Grotesque ; grottesco

Moments to remember?

2009-05-01T22:40:00.004+08:00

Very often, we will always think back on those times when we missed the most.

I've been comparing the differences in my life at various moments. And somehow, the most memorable moment was when she was still part of my life. She has been the best person I've ever met. Despite me, being quite a failure, she gave me lots of chances and unbelievable patience. Where else could I ever find such a person other than my parents?

This is one of the thing that still makes me feel the pain. The only thing I can be happy about is that we are still friends. Unlike many others, when they can't be friends any longer.

The moment that I feel like going through again was when I was in Deyi Military Band. The sense of achievement and pride we attained can't be described with words. You have to be part of it to understand how it feels.

Another moment which I want to go through again was those times I worked with my Poly classmates. Days in Singapore Expo Hall and Timberland sales. It wasn't like working at all with them around.

It would goes on if I continue all those moments that I would want to relive. But come to think of it, there won't be any more chance for me to go back to those moments. In 5 months time, I'll reach the age of 21, when responsibility gets heavier. Decision can no longer be revolving around me; but also people around me.

That's how fast time flies in National Service. I've been 8 months in service!

always on the go..

2009-04-18T01:41:00.002+08:00

I've finally seen the true ugly side of human. When one gets really self-centered and selfish. Basic instinct kicks in and brutal actions and verbal attacks occurs. It somehow ignite the anger in the surrounding affected personnel,making the anger starts to snowball. And as the anger snowballed,a chain reaction also takes place. More obvious selfishness and barbaric arts comes into the whole picture.

Ugly people, ugly world!

It may seem tough, but what can be worse?

2009-04-10T12:52:00.002+08:00

Recently, life was so mundane. Nothing exciting happened. The only thing that consoled me was the fact that the sky in Singapore is actually quite nice. Being in the sea in late nights were boring. If not for the fact that the stars are so mesmerizing, the moon shining so brightly, the late nights will be quite unbearable.

Furthermore, being confined through the weekend. There are so many pros and cons. It was then, that I actually had more sleep than any other weekend ever since I enlisted. Rest and sleep are no longer entitlement. They became privileges.

It is always all these that makes one mature and gradually, know what they want. I used to think that doing something tough is called "PRIDE". However, think on the other hand, pride is worthless in life. It does not makes you live longer. In fact, it might cause your life to be shortened. It is so not worth it to get yourself injured while serving the nation for 2 years. Injuries are for lifetime. Serving Nation is for war and disrupted times. But getting injured in these 2 years, how are we going to serve the nation again?

Anyway, time gets really bored recently. I should start looking for entertainment already...

oh well...

2008-12-17T00:50:00.003+08:00

I've no idea why I'm back here to blog, but somehow I can't log into wordpress. Anyway, time without training pass as fast as time in camp. I'm only left with that few days to play, and having not a single idea where i'll be posted to.

I've been so bored to the extent that I make myself even more bored.

anyway, I've so much to blog about. But I've no mood to blog, but only got the mood to talk to people. Any bored personnel can call me if he/she wants!

gotta run!

thoughts...

2008-08-21T01:04:00.002+08:00

it seems that having too much time is actually harmful. It makes me think a lot. And thank GOD, I'm left with 22 more days.

Thinking of moving...

www.redembergreen.wordpress.com

relink if you want,

you may also leave it...Might pop back to blogger once in a while...

similarities in the differences...

2008-08-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

Somehow, the urge of finding someone to chat with comes out so suddenly. I’ve never had such feeling for the past few months. And I’ve realized. There’re not much people whom I can actually conduct a heart-to-heart conversation.

I wasn’t saying that most of my friends are not worthy friends whom I can’t voice to. But sometimes, having heart-to-heart conversation, it actually requires certain chemistry. It is like when you are craving for certain food. Upon seeing other foods in front of you, there’s simply no urge to lay your fingers on them.

And I’ve seen no one whom I can actually talk to now. Perhaps, there is. But I’ve overlooked them.

However, there is something worth saying. The sense of loneliness is no longer there. But the emptiness is still there though.

And I’m still seeking for companion!!!

Urgently!!!

here it goes again...

2008-08-17T16:35:00.001+08:00

Entering another phase of life in like 26 days, it isn’t just like entering Primary School from kindergarden, or into secondary school from primary school. The kind of feeling that overwhelmed me is just so amazing. It is just like how they write in the book, “The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.” Kind of similar to entering NARNIA!

The 2 years of National Service may seem so long, yet so short. But what else can be long, after going through more than 13years of education. And there might be 4 more years of education awaiting me after these 2years.

However, in these 2 years time, I’ve to start making major decision that will definitely affect my life. All these major decisions somehow were being wrapped into my secondary objectives. All in my mind now is to enjoy my 2 years of National Service.

So let’s come back to the waiting period for National Service. I’m once again, facing a driving practical test. This time round, is totally different from the 2 previous times. I’ve not a single urge to pass the driving test. Just treating it like a leisure test before enlisting.

no idea...

2008-08-13T00:35:00.002+08:00

i don't understand why...the urge to blog just come n go in a moment. FUCK IT!

SEEKING COMPANION!

2008-08-08T01:31:00.000+08:00

I need a companion! Damned! Just 1 will do. Anyone, any looks, any race, any height, any weight. I’m not that greedy. Just one is enough. And definitely, only male is wanted. So I’m very sorry for those females who wanted to apply for my companion; though I know that no females would want to apply for it anyway.

Anyway, I still have to give a reason why. It is not because I’m turning gay, or that my taste for girls has been lowered. But so far, I know no one who will be enlisting in the same day as me.

So that’s all about it.

So anyway, it seemed rather long since I came here. In fact, it doesn’t seem long. It was in fact very long since I came here. It wasn’t that I never blogged. I had actually blogged. I’ve typed 4 posts. But in the end, being so lazy to log into blogger, I deleted them totally.

WTF!

2008-07-26T03:38:00.001+08:00

everything seems to suck now!

songs

2008-07-13T03:11:00.002+08:00

I was looking through those old songs that I used to listen when I was in Secondary School and Primary School. From Savage Garden and Boyzone to Backstreet Boys, then, comes westlife, and blues comes in. For a period of time, there’s A1. 98 Degrees, and from my memory, I can still remember Michael Learns To Rock, more known as MLTR, Nsync. There are also songs that I’ve heard. But don’t seem to remember the band’s name.

There are also some classic songs in that era. Songs like “This I promise you” by Nsync, “Show me the meaning of being lonely” by backstreet boys, “Fool again” and “If I let you go” by westlife.

That makes the end for the boybands era. Then, comes the Britney Spears era, and very quickly, comes in Christina Aguilera. At that point of time, “Opps! I did it again!” was like hits in town. And “Reflection” too, by Christina Aguilera for the Disney’s cartoon, “MULAN”

I could hardly remember any major male singer in that era. Except Ricky Martin singing one of the world cup songs I supposed.

So, now, its year 2008 already and what do we have? We have now Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, The Click Five, BUSTED, Beyonce, Jordin Sparks, Nelly Furtado, Shawn Kingston, Avril Lavigne, Leona Lewis, Rihanna, Chris Brown. And if I were to continue, it will definitely fill up the entire post.

So, let’s go to those all time favorites. There are Celine Dion, Alicia Keys, Nat King Cole, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston.

All these changes seem to be a silent lesson for us. Nothing stays the same. But there are memories always left to be remembered. Enjoy the moments we are experiencing now. However, there are always things meant to be. Just like those all time favorites. Even death can’t deter them from being famous.

Enough of craps. But I do missed those songs greatly!

and LASTLY, exactly 2months to my enlistment!

time to prepare my stuffs already!

2 matt black specs,
admin shirt,
perhaps extra PT kits,
a durable watch,
a more lasting and more function non-camera phone,
BIG bag,
more UNDERWEARS!
etc...

shall end here!

When life gets friend-less and lonely.

2008-07-12T00:46:00.002+08:00

I'm just simply DEAD-TIRED!

and I've no friends anymore!

cause I'm drifting into my very own side of the world!

and yes, I'm lonely!

and definitely, I've no one to turn to!

and of course, I don't actually give a fuckin' damn!

cause I've 2months more to go after today!

RUN RUN RUN AWAY

2008-07-04T01:44:00.000+08:00

I’ve been quite into sleeping late recently. So, I’ll be sleeping until the late morning, waking up to go to my grandmother’s house and after a while, I’ll be heading back to my house. My enlisting date is nearing every single day.

Yes, I know that I should start to fuel up my fitness already. I have a lot of plans but I’m strictly deprived of discipline. I’m worried of my running and standing broad jump. Standing broad jump is the item that I still can’t get A. As for running, I’m severely lack of stamina.

My first plan is to train up my stamina. But there is nothing much for me to do except running everyday. So, I’ve decide to run twice a day; morning and evening everyday. But where is the discipline? As for standing broad jump, I’ve decide to hop up the stairs. But I can only start after I gotten my stamina back. Or else, before I enlist, I’ll be dead.

So now, I’ll have to wait for 3 more days to unstitch my head. However, I’ll still continue my running plan. Tomorrow, I’ll be running once first, to get my body to get used to run. I want to get back my stamina I used to have.

???

2008-07-03T02:46:00.001+08:00

I’ve found out something quite interesting. I’ve no idea why and I don’t really want to know why. How could one person treat 2 people so differently when at that point of time, the 2 people hold the same role respectively?

She could be so passive to the first one and at least more initiative to the second one? What exactly prompt the different treatment? That is what making me so interested. But it doesn’t really matters anymore.

So anyway, I’ve realized that I hate another kind of people. They fucking ask people for favor as if people owe them. So, this is how they ask.

FUCKER: Eh, help me check out whether that place sell *blah blah blah*. You better check for me fucker!

Me: Depends on my mood, if I got go there, I’ll try. (In my mind, I was thinking is that an order or a favor?)

FUCKER: FUCK YOU LAR! Everytime ask you for favor you’ll say all these!

Me: I like it can already. (In my mind, I was saying is that the fucking way you ask for favor?)

FUCKER: I don’t care! If you got go you better check for me!

Me: *giving the like-I-care face*

So this afternoon, the fucker messaged me asking me if I had gone to take a look for her.

And still, with the fucking attitude.

Let me say this!

FUCK YOU! You are nothing! Losing a friend like you isn’t a loss. Get this fucking thing in the tiny brain of yours! You are not some glamorous girls that I have to win over. In fact, you are nowhere considered girl-next-door to me. You are far below average.

The fact is that I’m easy-going that is why I befriend you!
Another fact is that you already had not much friends, so better change your fucking attitude!

So you better get this into the dick-fucked brain of yours!

I love failure...but not anymore!

2008-06-23T00:50:00.001+08:00

In life, there are bound to have something that makes us grow. And to grow up, one has to meet failure. Failure plays a very important part in our life. To be able to stand up from where we fall, some might find it easy, some might find it hard.

But to someone like me, who never deem failure as a subject worth brooding about, will never learn my lesson. But like any other people, I never wanted to fail. But sometimes, failure is simply unavoidable. I could still clearly remember my first failure.

It was back in Primary 5. In primary school, I’ve never failed too badly before. In fact, that was the first time I failed in my Primary School education. I remembered I had 39 for my English paper. Something that I had never expected. So, I checked again and again, and was foolishly thinking that the teacher might just mark wrongly or calculated wrongly. Tears simply flood my eyes.

After that, I’ve never fail any tests or exams I have in my primary school anymore. All the way until Secondary School. Failing my tests and exams by a few marks was very common then. So, as time goes by, I’ve somehow gotten immune to failing exams. But still, I do know that in major exams, I still have to pass. So this mentality followed me all the way till my tertiary education.

I failed my very first test. 12/100. But ultimately, I still passed my Year1. And it also goes on for the next 2 following years.

However, tomorrow, I’ve 1 test that I don’t want to fail anymore. Let me pass before I go for my NS. And I’ll be damn grateful. Some may ask me to whom I’m grateful to.

So, I’ll be grateful to any factors that enable me to pass. Anything, just anything.

Sleeping is very vital!

2008-06-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

What I really need now?

I need a long deep sleep now. It might not be now. But it must be soon and definitely before Monday. These few days of not enough sleep have been taking its toll on me now. I’ve failed to check blind spots, wrong judgment of positioning of oncoming cars.

Someone gets rid of the culprit who made me have so much sleepless nights! Somebody ban football till I get enlisted!

So a few minutes back, marks the 2 days journey to my 2nd driving test. Let me pass this once please!

I had a pair of twins as wives!

2008-06-17T01:41:00.000+08:00

My mum and my brother is not in Singapore, my dad’s asleep. I’m the only dumbass here, staring at the screen of my laptop, with my television on still. Currently, the television has a MTV of a heartbroken song I supposed.

And this is the kind of situation when it makes me feel absolutely lonely. Just like how I feel a few years back, before I got into my first relationship. I do find it weird. Even after my first relationship ended, I no longer feel the kind of void. Until now, this kind of weird feeling comes back.

The sense of emptiness is like so strong. To the extent that it is actually overpower my stomach ache. Amazing isn’t it?

Perhaps you don’t, but I do.

The above few paragraphs seem to be claiming that I’m kind of desperate. But hey! I’ll now ask the world these few questions.

I used to have a question to ask. But so far, I’ve found no one suitable for me to ask these questions. So, please don’t feel offended. It is just a fantasy.

Imagine one day; I made 1 pair of twins pregnant. Will the children from the twins look alike? And oh my, imagine my super king sized bed having 2 women of the same face. Isn’t it cool? So here comes another question. So, the children born will be cousins or siblings?

That’s all for my question.

Time for bed now!

RICH FUCKERS

2008-06-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

I’m feeling so goddamn fucking helpless now. There’s this sudden urge for me to be fucking rich. But there’s nothing I can do to help myself.

Not at this fucking moment. When my time is wasted waiting for NS to starts. If my life were to be rich, not having to worry about what I need to do after my NS life and have a job prepared for me immediately after NS, I’ll be definitely using the time I’ve now to prepare myself for my upcoming job.

Being rich is becoming a must to me now. Not a need. It is becoming something essential. To me, being rich isn’t about the face factor. There’re already so many rich fuckers in Singapore. But still, with the cost of life in Singapore increasing, there’s no reason for not wanting to be rich.

So, how can I be rich now? How could I be rich now?

GODDAMNIT!

I want to be rich! Fucking rich!

awwhh

2008-06-14T20:11:00.001+08:00

It’s Friday the 13 yesterday. I remembered a post I posted about this fateful day. Claiming nothing bad happened on me on that fateful day but everyday. So, somehow I seem to like Friday the thirteen more than any other day; perhaps even more than my very own birthday.

So, yesterday was quite a lucky day. I witnessed a very major accident. I might sound quite sadist isn’t it? But I’m.

So this was what happened. I was having my driving lesson then, when I drove into SSDC. After about 20minutes of driving, I heard a loud bang! But there are factories and companies around SSDC, so I never treat it as anything fun. Until I made a left turn in e middle of the SSDC’s very own junction, I saw a car lying on top of a road divider. I’ve drove on that road every time I went into SSDC circuit. But it is common sense that one needs to up their gear to gear 2 but slow down and negotiate the bend. Another thing is that the instructor. Either he’s too slow, or he’s dreaming. Or maybe he’s too obsessed appreciating the student’s legs.

And my mother is going oversea again! Till Tuesday I suppose.

My spects is spoilt!

FUCK!

welcome back Eddy!

2008-06-13T03:12:00.000+08:00

When was the last time I posted? I couldn’t actually remember without looking at my blog. It seems that all of a sudden, time is passing very fast. Previously, I was counting down to my enlistment date, which starts with 100+ and now, its 92 days, and 10 more days to my driving test and least importantly, a dreaded 113 more days to my birthday.

This is the first time I’ll have my birthday as a soldier. Being botak on birthday isn’t that fun I supposed. It will be during my BMT period, and to make it worse, it is on a SUNDAY! This means I’ve to go back to the beachside holiday resort, located near the top right hand side of Singapore at the night.

Perhaps, my birthday will be much more enjoyed at the resort.

Anyway, I was surfing imeem a few moments ago and managed to find some of the old songs which I used to hear on TV and a song sang by my juniors during my Band Grad Night. These songs certainly bring back memories.

There are a couple of songs I used to hear when I was still in my primary school.

And lastly, I’ve gotten a counter!

I got that counter to embarrass myself actually. It is to show that how little people actually read my blog!

So come on everyone!

EMBARRASS ME!

Man Utd Champion!

2008-05-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

Manchester United F.C. has won the UEFA Champions League!

I’ve stayed awake to watch this glorious moment. But now, I’m suffering from those aftermath effect. After weeks of sleeping late, I’m now suffering from flu that takes so long to recover, and constant sore throat and cough.

That is the consequences for being such a hardcore football fan and most importantly, a Manchester United F.C. fan.

Anyway, it has been very boring these days. Any interesting stuffs for me to be involved in?

A sleepful night!

2008-05-21T01:32:00.002+08:00

At this time, I should long be asleep. But that does not guarantee a peaceful and gratifying sleep. I’ve realized that I’m losing sleep everyday. Insomnia, some may call it. But I know that I can sleep. But there is something that I’m thinking about, but delaying every single day, which ended up sleeping at 2-3am every single day.

It is always at this kind of time, I’ll ask myself what I want in my life actually. What am I going to do to achieve it? And am I happy with what I’m now?

Reflecting my life, it makes me realize that most of the time; I’m doing things that I don’t really enjoy. I might laugh and smile everyday. But who knows the sorrow and loneliness behind the smile?

There’s a saying, life is like a stage. To me, it is rather true. Every human being is acting as someone who is not themselves in front of others. I don’t believe in anyone not acting in front of others, unless they are either retards or idiots who don’t know how to act.

So, the problem comes in when people don’t know how to read when they are being true, when they are actually acting. Another problem is when those who always act in front of others actually lost themselves while acting as what others want him to be.

In my own words, I don’t really find acting as something that is not us is wrong or immoral. That is how human communicates. And I can believe that this has been going on since the very first species of human who discovered the very powerful weapon of today, communication.

Because I believe there will be a time, in every single day, for us human to be ourselves.

For me, I think the most in the night. There is no special reason. For me, I suppose it is because during the night, when there are sorrow events or stuffs for me to ponder, I’ll probably be too tired and slump to my beloved pillow.

In another words, I’m very fond of avoiding complications. And I know that most of the time, I would behave as if I don’t know a thing about it, making people believe that I really don’t know a thing. But actually, I do know about it, but was avoiding it.

Perhaps it was wrong for me to read Sun Tzi’s Art of War when I was young. All I could remember was his 36th tactic. To make it worse, I think I managed to use this tactic so much better than Sun Tzi himself.

FOOTBALL!

2008-05-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

Life without Barclay Premier League is definitely unbearable for me. Being an avid football fan, and a pre-enlistee, life gets overly bored when there is no football to be watched. Everyday, all was shown on Football Channel was old matches. All I can wait for is Champion League Finals. The match will be played this coming week but still, it is only 1 match played.

So, all I can wait for is EURO08. But there is this setback. I’ve forgotten about the promotion for the early bird from Starhub Cable Vision. Thus, my mum stopped me from subscribing the EURO2008 totally.

All these days, I’m only entertained with news from China and Myanmar. Which is giving me the feeling that the world in ending soon. It is so demoralizing for a pre-enlistee like me, when I’m thinking that I still have a long way to go after 2years.

100+ over days to my enlistment date.

TIAN ZAI~

2008-05-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

When such things happened, then, people will gracefully accept other people’s help. Earthquake in SiChuan has killed so many people. And judging from the news, the number is still increasing.

The situation is so bad that this is the first time China accepted foreign assistance for their domestic disaster. I can imagine how bad the situation is. As reported by Xin Min Wan Bao, the rescue team from China wrote their will before being deployed to rescue those survivors left inside the debris.

Also, reading from the news, watching those channels from Hong Kong, China and Taiwan, it simply makes any heartless guy in the world feels the sadness. Unlike the previous major natural disaster, the tsunami, this time round, there are more children affected. So many schools just collapsed and killed so many children.

I believe some may argue that its okay, China has so many people in their country. But still, it is still a fucking life lost! So, those people who say that are pure motherfucker, people who ought to be in the earthquake more than those victims.

News has also reported that in order to save them, they were amputated on the spot. Priority now is our basic instinct, survival. Anything will be done to ensure survival.

I’ve been watching the news just now. A girl was saved under the rubble, on her birthday. I swear, it was the most touching scene I’ve ever seen on television. The rescue team was singing birthday song for that girl they saved when they know that it was her birthday.

Schools collapsed, hospitals collapsed, family members killed or trapped under the debris. Streets filled with corpses that their family members have yet claimed. People who survived were left limped. Homes were lost. Relief soldiers and rescue teams risked their life trying to save as much people as they can. Even the chances of those survivors are already very little, but those relief soldiers and rescue teams still do not give up.

Now, for SiChuan province, I could only see despair and sadness. Countries all over the world are donating money to aid the aftermath and rescue jobs.

Photos!
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/picturegallery/gallery_20080512215944.htm

Anyway, we still must not forget that Myanmar is also another country that suffered Natural disaster.

Let’s hope that these 2 countries recover from this as soon as possible.

Monster!

2008-05-08T16:46:00.000+08:00

Eddy is into EMO-ing now!

So, now, Jialiang will be blogging until he attains enlightment!

Anyway, the years of my teenage years are ending pretty soon, and soon, both Eddy and my age will have a change of the first digit. After a series of unfortunate incidents through these dreadful 10years, everything seems to move so fast, so unexpectedly and definitely filled with surprises.

The first year my age starts with a 2 digits was when I was in primary 4, at 1998. A year after Hong Kong was returned to China. Primary 4 streaming exams, was the only thing I can remember. Nothing else mattered at that time.

So, I’ve been not worrying about everything around me until O level comes in. It is when a couple of papers that will decide my fate. A period of struggling and tough fight with the Ten Year Series and Other School’s Prelim Exam Papers prove that I’m qualified to take on the fearsome O level papers. Which again, I overcame it. Not that gracefully either. Or else, most of you people will be reading about me on News, newspaper and maybe some banners in my Secondary School.

But however, I was rewarded with a few months of rest and fun. I can still vaguely remember that the last O level monster I fought with was around 23 November 2004 and my break was due at May 2005. It was a long break, so long that my right hand has forgotten how to hold my sacred weapon, “The Pen”. A weapon that fought with me countless of wars ever since 1992, when I entered Nursery. And it officially fought the first battle with me on 1995 and various battles after that.

Though, the break made me lost my ability to hold my sacred weapon, after a few days of training, I recovered my ability and was prepared to move on to fight on a brand new journey, with brand new monster.

The brand new monster was a much easier monster to subdue. It took only 3 short years to subdue it. And now, I’m celebrating the fact that I’ve already subdued the monster!
For now, all I know is all these monsters will be back even after I completed my National Service.

SICK!

2008-05-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

Life simply sucks when you are sick!

This is the 6th day of me being sick! There’s nothing much for me to do especially after taking my medicine. After taking medicine, I’ll be on my sleeping spree. Despite sleeping for more than 8hours, I’ll still continue to sleep for an addition of 6 or more hours.

It is especially so when you wanted to do something, but your body just doesn’t listen to you. I’ve these experiences the previous week, when I wanted to watch the football match between Manchester United and F.C. Barcelona and the match between Chelsea and Liverpool. Both matches are played at 2.45am. , hence, I adjusted my alarm clock to 3am, so I’ll only miss about 15minutes of the game. But when I woke up at 3am, there’s something in me urging me to drop back to my bed and sleep. The kind of urge is so natural. Even the dying desire to watch the games can’t overcome the unseen force. However, luckily, the results of the matches still went the way I want it to be.

UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL
21 May 2008
MOSCOW – The Luzhniki Stadium
MANCHESTER UNITED VS CHELSEA
ALL ENGLISH TEAMS FINAL
PREDICTED SCORE: 3:1
Oh well, we shall see then

Anyway, that’s enough of my complaint of my sickness.

I’ve just taken my medicine and should be off to sleep!

False hope?

2008-05-04T02:33:00.001+08:00

Recently, after I’ve deleted my previous posts, I supposed it attracted quite an attention. But, there is no need for an explanation here. If anyone is really interested, you can come and ask me directly.

So now, I would like to show you a discussion between Eddy and Jialiang recently.

It was a bright and sunny day when Eddy and Jialiang went to TCC for coffee and they begin to chat casually.

Eddy: Bored ah!

Jialiang: Yeah! It has been very warm recently.

Eddy: So how are you recently?

Jialiang: I’ve finished Poly recently and have been working whatever jobs that I can find.

Eddy: Wow! So you must be rich huh?

Jialiang: Not that bad? Just have sufficient pocket money for me to spend.

Eddy: That’s considered not bad already.

Jialiang: Enough about me! Heard that you have been around giving false hope isn’t it?

Eddy: Oh my…Since when?

Jialiang: Ha-ha… Who knows? You are always like that isn’t it?

Eddy: Who knows? I’ve no looks, no cash and have nothing to my name? What else do I have to give others false hope?

Jialiang: Nah, Eddy, don’t deny. Everyone knows that!

Eddy: Well, it’s just that I’ve no idea how to reject someone properly without hurting them!

Jialiang: Oh…I can totally understand that!

Eddy: Yeah! And sometimes, when they are not rejected, they’ll still carry the hope. So, is this what you people call “false hope”?

Jialiang: I suppose so? I’ve not much idea anyway. I suppose it’s the way you treat them isn’t it?

Eddy: Huh? I always thought I treat everyone the same? I treat all females the same way; treat all guys the same way?

Jialiang: So, are there any differences between the way you treat your girlfriend and those female friends?

Eddy: Not much difference? Perhaps, I’ll be more concern about my girlfriend only.

Jialiang: Precisely! Maybe, that is why they’ll have the false hope.

Eddy: Haha…You must be kidding!

Jialiang: You don’t understand, don’t you?

Eddy: Maybe I really don’t. If I do, I wouldn’t be on the verge of losing friends due to this kind of stupid relationship.

Jialiang: So, the problem is who is the actual victim now?

Eddy: I would say I am the victim! But who actually understand my position? I understand the kind of courage it takes to confess! And also, don’t you find it mean and cruel to reject them flat when they hardly got the courage to do so? But do you think it is easy to treat it as it has never happened before? I also face the fear of losing a friend, be it close friend or just a “hi and bye” friend. If the confession comes from some stranger, I will be most direct to reject them if I have no feeling towards them.

Jialiang: I see your stand. But again, they are still being left hanging on the air, when their doubts not confirmed. They do have their difficulties too.

Eddy: Yeah! I know about that!

Jialiang: So aren’t you going to do anything about it?

Eddy: I’ve tried to, but in vain. They don’t seem to appreciate the attempts from me to maintain the friendship I wanted. All they want is an answer to their question. Some even want to ask for a reason. But how am I going to find reasons for such things? Such things can never be forced isn’t it?

Jialiang: *Sigh!

Eddy: *Sigh!

Jialiang: Haha…I seriously wonder what those people see in you!

Eddy: Hahahaha…Precisely! Like I said, I’ve nothing at all!

Jialiang & Eddy: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

2008-04-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

Before I actually delete all my previous post, I actually read through every single thing I’ve wrote since the blog started on year 2004, soon after I graduated from Deyi Secondary School. Somewhere near the December.

So through these few years, this blog has accompanied be through all kinds of moods. From break-up with my then girlfriend, to the death of my grandfather, to the laziness that overwhelmed me when I was still in Polytechnic, to the Deyi Alumni Band that was formed for one of the Deyi Band’s concert. There are also times when I was in school to mug for my tests, and exams.

Before I actually delete the entire old posts, I was telling myself that those are memories that will always be inside me. But after I’ve deleted them, I feel the sense of loss. Cause I know that certain things that happened during that period I will not remember as time goes by.

After reading through all those previous post, I’ve realized that my perspective of life still hasn’t change. But my methods of doing things, methods of solving problems and even how I handle human relationship changed.

But I’ve realized something that I’ve never changed. I always think that it is an art to know how to reject people. How could one reject someone so tactfully, not hurting their ego, and diminishing their dignity. So, for me, my method would be avoiding all kind of question when they actually confessed or confront for some.

But over these few years, I’ve noticed that by avoiding these kinds of questions, it actually still gives them hopes. Actually, these are false hope.

Recently, a friend of mine actually told me that she noticed that I treat every girl whom I know the same. Sometimes, to the extent that I treat them just like the way that I would treat my girlfriend.

So, she happily told me that the best method to solve these troubles is to get attached. But getting attached for the sake of solving the problems?

That’s so not me.

And still, the conclusion is that I still don’t know how to reject tactfully!

Welcome!

2008-04-27T02:24:00.001+08:00

I've happily deleted all the previous post!

Shall begin something new!